idk if you say possesive things like “you’re mine” i get all melty and weird and will probably fall in love with you
i wish boobs were like an accessory instead of something permanently attached to you like you could say “wow this dress would look really good with these boobs” and “i feel like wearing boobs today” or “not really digging boobs so i’m not gonna put them on” and “boobs just aren’t my thing”
If they weren’t so big, crumbs would fall on the floor and not on my boobs and it wouldn’t be obvious to the world that I’m a fat ass who scarfed down a double bacon cheeseburger and some fries in like 5 minutes.
i don’t even have a sense of humor anymore it’s literally just sarcasm and general loathing for the majority of the human population
“it’s just a midnight snack” i said as i prepared a full turkey dinner
That awkward moment when you ran up the stairs and now you’re trying to hide your heavy breathing like it’s no big deal but you’re actually pretty winded and dear god you need to work out.
[FIRE CANNOT KILL A DRAGON] i shout as my shower decides to burn hotter than the surface of the sun.